One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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