Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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