I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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