Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
