"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
