Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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