It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
