yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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