I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
