All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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