once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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