I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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