you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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