Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
