I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
