you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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