I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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