i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
