HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
