That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
