Betty ford says i'm here all night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
