Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
