so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Im part way to drunk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
