dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
