she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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