You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
