Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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