Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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