I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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