on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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