i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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