I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
