so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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