I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
