so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
