hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
