here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
