I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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