I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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