yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
