Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
