He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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