i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
