I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
