Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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