Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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