my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
