I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
