You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
