I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
