oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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