my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
