Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
