If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
