I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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