Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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